Friends

I am feeling sorry for myself today.  I’m guessing I’m not alone.  The holidays tend to make many of us feel lonely. Even with Skype, facetime, WhatsApp, all our electronic tools, it’s not the same as sharing giggles, hugs, food and presents in person.  The funny thing is, it all started with a wonderful, long, long overdue, Skype with my beautiful boy, my Marine, deployed far away somewhere near Japan.

Even funnier, a lot of the conversation was all about planning a trip home.  Christian is coming home!  I don’t when, but I do know it’s sometime in 2016. In 2016 (which is really just a breath away), I will again hold my beautiful boy in my arms.  So why then, now, knowing this, do I feel sorry for myself?  I know he’s safe, I know Soren is safe, I know Nicholas is safe.  And yet, still, I feel sorry for myself.  I wish for all my boys to be here tomorrow. I wish it with all my might, with all my will, with every bone in my being.

I am trying to force myself to be happy.  To enjoy what I do have.   To enjoy our annual pie day, Dane is lining up ingredients on the counter as I type. To enjoy a wonderful meal of juicy turkey, garlic roasted mashed potatoes and canned cranberry sauce (because).  To enjoy a full day of family and games.  It just… shouldn’t be something I have to force.

I started looking through old pictures, and I start to wallow in the poor-me feelings.  And, really, there is no poor me.  I am blessed.  I have a beautiful home.  A loving husband. Gorgeous, happy, safe kids. A job I love. And friends. I have a plethora of friends.  So, instead, I dug up my most recent pictures, and I focused on the smiling faces in my camera.  I may not have all my boys home.  I do have friends who will be here at the touch of a button, a beep on the computer.  Friends who are in the same boat as me.  Friends who completely understand how hard the holidays are far from family, far from home.

Just last week I was with some of these friends in Amsterdam, at Kinderdijk, I have no reason to feel lonely, or sorry for myself.  And that?  That stops now.

me & my friends in Amsterdam (can you find me?)