I struggle with Cole, just as Cole is struggling with himself. He’s 20 now, still at home, part man and part child. In so many ways he’s fully grown. He’s tall with broad shoulders, a moose we call him. The moose. Partially because of his size, partially because he’s the embodiment of a bull-in-a-china-shop. The things he breaks. Sometimes I think just by looking at things.

He helped with the dishes the other day, our dishwasher broke several months ago, and then took a warm, sparkly clean glass and poured cold water in.  The look of surprise on his face as the glass shattered in his hand! Luckily he was fine, and I was right there. Lesson learned.

He’s been in a hybrid, mostly online, university since graduating high school. We now know he needs a traditional classroom environment. We’re looking at schools here and back in the states. The thought of another son, half a planet away, is hurting my heart. And at the same time, the thought of spending less than half my current budget on our monthly groceries makes me giddy with joy.

Over Christmas he was hired on to help at our PX (Post Exchange), and just this week he was hired on permanently. He is a very hard worker. He is kind, solicitous, willing to go an extra mile for customers and co-workers alike. But he sleeps through his alarm most days. Luckily, I work at home and I’m a great back-up alarm.

When he got sick earlier this month, I gave him the tools and phone numbers to manage it himself. But he didn’t, or couldn’t. He waited too long and his skin, his entire skin, got infected and he wound up with an 8-day hospital stay. I took him. I filled out the papers. I called the insurance company. I talked to the doctors, the nurses and I stayed by his side. On the one hand, it’s good to be needed. On the other hand, I’m worried on his ability to stand alone.

Cole is worried too. There is a lot in life to be prepared for, and even then, you can’t be prepared for every curve ball. The good news is, he’s aware. He knows now, from experience, that a hospital stay can happen at any moment. He understands the need for insurance. He knows that even with insurance, it just covers medical bills. Not lost wages. Not lost time. It is a big lesson.

He’s been more thoughtful, more considerate and planning for his future. It’s a big burden on his shoulders, but it is time that this burden shifts from me to him. In Dutch we have a saying:

“Kleine kinderen worden groot.” Little kids become big. My moose is growing up.