I spent Wednesday bursting into tears at random moments. Simply grabbing leftovers from Tuesday nights dinner brought on the waterworks. We never have leftovers. Leftovers are midnight snacks for the moose. Sometimes 9 pm snacks. Sometimes going-to-be-dinners are snacks before I have chance to cook them… leaving me scrambling to find a new plan for our dinner.

But the moose is gone. He got on a plane early Wednesday morning. He is safe & sound in South Carolina, all checked in, shaved head, name tapes proudly on his chest, the back of his cover, waiting for boot camp to start on Monday. An ocean away, back on US soil.

He called last night, phones are still allowed before boot camp kicks off, showing off his bald head &  his 60 new roommates. A big grin on his face. He misses us, maybe as much as we miss him, but he is happy. He is in the right place. Seeing him smile, confident of his choice, makes it so much easier to let him go. I’m not crying today. I’m not quite jumping & down with joy, but I’m not crying.

Monday, in between packing & errands to grab all the things he’d need, I dragged Cole, Nestor & Jan outside. These three have been inseparable since Nestor moved in back in March. Mostly they’re down in our basement. Talking. Singing (Jan is a master guitarist). Gaming. Or down the street at the one bar in town. There are benefits to being in Germany when you’re not quite 21.

On Monday there was laughing, goofing off, running, posing & three happy, rambuctious young men in my house. And outside driving the neighbors (and Dane) nuts.  Wednesday morning Jan, Nestor & I waved goodbye. No giggles. Not many words. Each of us retreating inside ourselves. Some things you just have to process alone.

Today it’s a little better. Quiet, but better. Plus, there’s food & snacks left over. I ate half a chocolate bar last night, sharing with Dane, and today that same chocolate bar is still laying there. Ready for me to snack on tonight. I’m starting to like the new normal.