I have stared at my blank screen for an hour. Sometimes out of focus, as tears once again well in my eyes, sometimes crystal clear but with complete emptiness. There just aren’t words adequate enough to share the love and pain these past two days have brought our family. Wednesday night Cole lost his childhood best friend Jack in a single-vehicle accident.
Cole & Jack first met at their small, tiny (as in 4-8 students per grade) Catholic school in Southern Pines, NC when we were stationed at Ft. Bragg. Soon, all the boys were thick as thieves and we had a couple years of beautiful, perfect friendship. Not just the boys, but their sisters, brothers, and their parents as well. I had, we had, our people. They are still our people. The last couple of days have shown me just how much they are still our people. My heart hurts so much.
I think their lifelong friendship was cemented the fall of 2008, when they joined Lego Club and competed as a team in the First Lego League. They built small Lego robots that performed a variety of programmed tasks in a fierce, albeit slow, competition for the winning trophy. Sadly, they did not win. But what an incredible experience and how much fun we all had cheering them on! I was new to photography back then, and my second ever printed photobook was their Lego Club Yearbook. I can’t look through it quite yet. Jack is on almost every page.
Jack & Cole; Jack & his mom in 2009
I frequently rave about my love of Skype. I so look forward to birthdays and holidays when I have my mom, sisters and one or more of my big boys all on Skype, all at the same time. It is not the same as being together, but seeing their smiling faces, it is almost as good. My kids, especially Cole, love Skype just as much. He almost always has a Skype window open. All these years in Germany, we are on year 7, he’s kept in touch with Jack (and his barely younger brother Joey). They Skype. Talk. Laugh. Play MMORP games together. They are together on multiple games, multiple teams. Cole has seamlessly integrated his friends from our time in California, Minnesota, North Carolina and Germany into one big circle. He is my kid. He makes friends for life.
Life. I can’t believe I just typed that word. I can’t get past it. I don’t understand how an amazing young man like Jack is just gone. I believe in God. I believe in Heaven, but I really, really, really wish Jack was still here on this Earth. I wish his mom could just hold him in her arms again. I wish his dad could ruffle his hair and bearhug him. I wish Cole could click on “Jack” and hear his voice again. See his serious face, with that rare, wonderful grin and gruff giggle. My heart physically hurts.
I am working hard to coordinate Cole’s travel back to the states, once again on Space-A flight, and back to my parents in Southern Pines. Hopefully Nathan’s (below) dad can fit Cole in their car and they can all drive down to Florida together. Cole wants nothing more than to be at Jack’s funeral. I want nothing more than to have Jack back. No funeral. No pain. No tears.
It is not about what I want. I need to accept this terrible loss. I need to hold my son and be strong. I need to pray for John & Marie & Joey. I need to trust in God. I need my people.
Nicky, Joey, Cole, Jack & Nathan in April, 2014
How extremely sad for you and Cole to lose a very special and dear friend, taken so young. My sincerest condolences to you, Cole and Jack’s family.
I am so sorry to hear about this Toiny. I’m sorry for your pain but even more sorry that Cole should have to endure this kind of sorrow in his very young life. What a tragedy…my thoughts and my heart go out to you all.
Elaina
my heart breaks for not only the loss of this young man’s life, but for the family. For your family and for the loss of your son’s friend. May God be with you all in this sad and terrible time.
Hugs,
Joyce
Praying for comfort and peace for Jack’s family and friends. I’m so sorry for your loss. And I pray that Cole stays safe as he travels to the US and back to Germany.
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of this young man. Prayers for peace and comfort.
Toiny my condolences to Jack’s family and to you and yours, especially Cole. So sad (hugs)
My heart breaks with yours. I too am a boy mama, and know he deep bond that their freiendships represent. Of course you are reeling; you have lost a piece of your own child. We don’t always get to know the “whys” of this world, but we must keep the faith and trust that there is a bigger picture that we cannot yet fathom. My prayers are with you and your family.
All of you, especially Cole, have my deepest sympathy. I lost a very good friend to a car accident when I was in grade school, and the pain lasted for years. Give Cole a hug from me (and a hug for you too)
Such a sad, sad time for you all in the midst of this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers join with so many others for yours, Cole’s and Jack’s family’s strength to endure.
heartbreaking… RIP, such a sad loss… hugs
Prayers for your family and Jack’s.
Oh! my goodness, my prayers go out to you and your family and Jacks parents and family.
Faith
x
My sympathy to all; each day of life is truly a gift. Stay close to Jack’s family as they will need your support as learning to live on without them is so very hard.
I am so sorry for the pain for everyone involved. I am praying for for the peace that passes all understanding.
Sincerely praying.
I am beyond sad to hear this T. My heart goes out to Cole, Jacks family and you.
So, so, so sad. Since I don’t have any family, I love reading about your huge family of kin and friends. Your huge pain is shared with all of us who read and love your stories.
[…] Everyone join me! It’s safe, we are all behind our monitors, no one can hear you, and sing Happy Birthday to my beautiful, 19-year-old, Cole! Sing as loud as you can, with as much love as you can, today he deserves all our voices and all our love. Today is not just his birthday, today is Jacks funeral (Cole & Jack). […]
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[…] to start driving, but in my minds eye I look at his beautiful, perfect, handsome face and I see Jack. My heart breaks all over again at the loss of Jack in a single vehicle […]