My head is wobbling on my neck. My eyes feel like black holes, weighing at least 10 times their possible weight. Sleep is eluding me. Insomnia is my constant companion.

I’m not a good sleeper to begin with. I have mom brain. I must think all the thoughts before I can unwind and sleep. If anything disturbs my unwind process, I must start from the beginning. The first thought. And think all the thoughts before I can again unwind and go to sleep.

This is difficult every day. It’s been more difficult each passing week that Dave is still stuck in the states, waiting on the visa from HR to return to Germany, to start his new job. It’s even more difficult the last 5-6 nights as Tess burns up with fever, pain and sickness. She wakes up every hour, sometimes more, and I wake up with her. I do what I can.

She is still fighting the ear infection from January. It comes and goes, just like the hives (internal & external) come and go. Since Friday it’s been bad. Her head hurts. Her ear. Her neck. Her throat. Her eyes. Even her hands have a rash. We’ve been to the ER twice. She’s sick but they won’t give her antibiotics. After allergic reactions to three different antibiotics, they feel antibiotics are worse than her illness. I don’t really disagree.

It sucks watching her just lie there. She’s exhausted. Hot. In pain. It’s a fight to get water, tea, juice, anything down her. She is, however, eating lots of fruit salad liberally doused in yogurt. The yogurt here is sooooooo amazing. It’s a win-win. She eats all the fruit, and every day I get to escape to the store for a couple of minutes of me time to buy more fruit.

This morning her fever is under 37°C! Wooooohoooooo! I’m praying this continues. I’m praying she’s turned the corner and going back to healthy. Once she is healthy she’s going for a full allergy work-up, not just antibiotics but all the things. First, we have to get her healthy. We’re getting there.

It’s appropriate that my favorite photo of her showed up in my newsfeed yesterday. She’s such a beautiful girl. Inside and out.