I’m wallowing in an ocean of darkness. Things, life, are not going my way. I’m separated by half a planet from not just my three oldest, but my husband. My Dave. My partner in crime.

It’s not that I can’t handle a separation. It’s not that I can’t handle wrangling kids alone. It’s not that I can’t handle all the things. I can. I’m a pro. I’ve been a military wife for over 20 years. This time is different. This time we aren’t military. We are retired. We are in a strange country with no base support. No community. We are alone. I am alone.

And it’s the uncertaintity. Dave got the job offer in October. All we are waiting on is the paperwork. The work visa. We are waiting on the bureaucrats to do their job. He wants to work. The office wants him to work. He just can’t come back to Germany without the work visa. Bureaucrats take forever.

The last week(s) have been especially difficult. The house ran out of oil. Cars broke. Kids got sick. Friends left. Our pet rat died. There were tears… and a lot were mine.

Tuesday morning the oil guy finally showed up. Heat! Hot showers! Joy! I had just paid him, and I was happily making fresh coffee in the kitchen, when the doorbell rang. I assumed it was the oil guy. Needing who-knows-what. Instead it was my favorite mail lady, her arms filled with a big tall box.

Since we are on a tight budget while Dave is waiting to come back and work, I knew I had ordered nothing. Curious I sped up my step and opened the door.

“What’s this?” I asked.
“Flowers.” She said.
“For me!” I yelled. She just smiled.

They were flowers. They were for me. They were from Dave! Dave who has never sent me flowers! Dave is allergic to flowers, so it is very rare that we have flowers in house. Dave is not home. Dave is half a planet away. Dave sent me flowers! Five days later and I’m still giddy.

I put them in my room, by my gorgeous giraffe canvases (I’m a Steven Brown fan). Now when I walk into my room at the end of the day, tired, usually grouchy, I’m greeted by the smell of roses & happy giraffes. I go to sleep with a smile on my face and I wake up just as happy.

Life is not perfect but I’m looking at the bright side. I’m determined to smile.