It’s been almost five years since I lost my hero, my Oma. I still miss her almost every day. I’m an Oma now too. I’m a little older than she was, but not much. It’s hard to imagine that one day Declan will be my best friend, like I was hers. He’s such a baby, I can’t quite see the person he’ll become.

It’s odd to think that a new person is coming into my life. Now, after 50+ years, I’m getting a new person. Someone to share my stories with, my hopes, my dreams. Someone who will one day remember me with a smile on their lips, and tears in their eyes. As I sit here now, remembering my Oma.

In my heart, I still feel like that little girl that spent hours at her Oma’s side. She was very no-muss, no-fuss. She wasn’t a big hugger, but when she did it was a big stevig (firm) hug. She was quick to temper, but it petered out fast, and quick to laugh, but that stayed. We laughed so much together. It was so much happiness. I still talk to her, ask for her input. Ask for perspective. Her advice. It’s hard to imagine one day that little guy, that Declan, will look to me.

I still feel like that little girl. I’m constantly surprised when my body won’t run fast, climb things, jump off things, swing across, hop over or do any of those things that were once as easy as taking a breath. When I look in the mirror I still see me. Little me. Not old & grey me. I’m still my Oma’s granddaughter. Not the Oma.

Last week my cousin Ted called. He had a new job. He’d be working in Germany for a couple of weeks, not even two hours from me! Did I want to meet halfway for dinner? Of course I did! I love Ted! I love all my cousins!

I was so excited. So incredibly happy. I drove my hour to our meeting point at faster than usual speeds, on the autobahn, in a vw bus, that’s pretty fast LOL. Ted had gotten there 5 minutes before us, already seated at a quiet corner table. I got a big bear hug, both of us all smiles, and then we sat down. Ted staring at me. Maybe I had spinach in my teeth? Finally he says:

“I knew I was getting older, but seeing your cousin all grey… ” I might just have this Oma thing in the bag.

Me & Ted

This video is from the 1980’s, it has both of my much-loved grandparents, my sisters, and most of my cousins. Including toddler Ted at around the 36 second mark.